This is how I feel right now. Actually, I have felt like the smallest thing on Earth and like the world's worst person. I had been wrestling with a decision about an old flame....and I came to terms with it last night. Immediately following, I had this instant stab of regret.
Why? Why did I do it? What was wrong? He was different this time. He was changed....and made more of an effort. Was it hormones/PMS? [More than likely it was that or that is what is contributing to my feelings now]. He was clearly different and was thinking outside of the box from last time. So why did I squash it?
Clearly, I hurt him. I don't think he was expecting to hear it last night. And I consider him to be one of my good friends. And you're probably thinking, "Wow, you're just an evil person." I think I got scared. Like really scared. Things were going so well and we were taking it slow, yet I squashed it before anything really amounted. Literally, I cried myself to sleep silently last night fair chance. That was just mean of me.
He is angry at me, I know. And who says he does not have a right to be? He did say it would be awkward to see me because he will have feelings for em. But the more I thought about it and had thought I was over him, the more I question myself. He needs his time to "grieve"/be angry at me and throw darts, curse at me, refuse to see me [like this Fri...not going to his friend's party I was invited to outta respect for his friend b/c it's his birthday...and for him since I wanna respect his wishes].
But in the end, I hope every little thing is going to be all right. I want to talk to him. THIS week. But he needs his time apart from me. And I need to think and reaffirm my feelings to make sure this is what I want and not fabricated. Because in the end, we both have to be happy. That's all that matters.
Hopefully he'll talk to me sometime soon. I feel this clearly depicts how I feel right now:
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong -doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life
May today there be peace within you. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing that you are a child of God. Let His presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, and to bask in the sun. It is there for each and every one of you. God Bless.
Just pray for me. Please.