In Loving Memory

I really have been a bum most of this summer and that's okay. I was "go go go" throughout the school year so it's nice to relax.

On Monday, I was at my friend Olivia's mom's house with Shannon (Olivia's other maid of honor) and her Aunt Susan to finish the shower plans for Olivia's bridal shower. It's on Sunday July 31 and then the following Thursday, we leave for her cruise. In the middle of our plans, I got a phone call from my friend Amanda. I thought it was weird because she is usually so busy. I was busy and didn't pick it up. But then I got a text that said "Please call me."

I knew that something had to be wrong. When I called her back, I never thought I was going to hear the words that came out of her mouth. "Pete died yesterday." Pete was Amanda's fiance. I was in utter disbelief. They were at Amanda's friend's wedding (she was a bridesmaid) and apparently he collapsed during the reception. They were not able to save him. I was literally dumb founded because I just could not believe it. Pete was the kind of guy that never drank when we went out (he would always get Coke or Pepsi) and as far as I know, he never smoked. Always worked out and was just so full of life.

It breaks my heart because Pete made Amanda so happy. They had just moved into a condo together 2 weeks ago and were still planning their wedding for November 2017. I am just so heartbroken. Pete was taken too early from this life. He was the kind of person who knew how to make you laugh, even in the most awkward situations. He was always the person I went to about advice for my car and he would give the shirt off his back to him.

I can't believe instead of attending his wedding next year and watching him dance with Amanda, I have to attend his funeral this weekend. I am forever grateful for his friendship and know that I just have another guardian angel watching over me.

Shadow

Words cannot describe the heartache I have as I am writing this post. They just don't. Today was one of the hardest days I have had in awhile. I have never cried about something so much as I did today...and all the days leading up to today.

My dog Shadow, a beautiful black Cocker Spaniel, was my baby and today, I had to put her to sleep. I am absolutely heart broken. We would have had her 10 years this upcoming August. We got her about 4 months after we had to put my last dog, Rusty, another Cocker Spaniel, to sleep because he had fluid around his heart and it would just keep filling back up. My brother Brian was going off to school and I didn't want to come home to an empty house. 

My mom & I looked for months at the shelters (we prefer to rescue) and could not find a cocker spaniel. One morning while reading the paper, she found an ad for one and called the lady. At first, she told my mom there was no adoption fee, then she told her it was $150. We met her in town, I saw the dog, fell in love and told my mom I wanted it. She had two kids with her and said that she'd follow us back to our house to make sure the dog liked it there and then leave her overnight. If we didn't want her, she'd get her the next morning....the lady never came back. 

From that day on, Shadow took to me. She followed me around the house (hence us changing her name from Honey to Shadow). When I went to college and came home for a break, she would always get SO SO SO excited to see me that I had to pet her outside first because she would pee! Ha! Shadow loved to go in my mom's garden and eat the tomatoes right off the vine. She loved her pizza. I swear she thought she was Italian...and human. Whenever my mom was cooking, she was at her feet. She loved to paw open my bedroom door when I was sleeping to check on me and then sleep in my room. 

Shadow was a beautiful animal. She barked any time anyone came home because she loved to guard her palace. She loved to sleep in her cage, on her back, especially when the sun was beaming in the windows. I am thankful my family was able to give her a life that I know she enjoyed and I am forever grateful that she was my fur baby. I just couldn't stand to see her in any pain anymore. She was having trouble breathing, trouble swallowing. Her eye kept draining and she didn't want anything to do with her food. My brother was house sitting for our uncle this week and was SHOCKED at the rapid decline in her from when he saw her last Sunday. It hurts knowing we had to do this right before Easter but I am just glad she is out of misery. The look in her eyes as the vet took her away just broke my heart and I had to walk out of the room because I was hysterically sobbing. 

Rest in peace my beloved sweet dog. It breaks my heart knowing I will not see you tomorrow morning when I go down for my coffee and hear you bark when I open the front door. But you will always always be my baby girl. No dog in the future can ever replace her. 

 

Me & my baby 3-29-13

 

 I love you, Shadow. Always and forever.

Pictures that speak the words....

Things can ONLY get better from here. Either I rectify my CRAPPY love life situation and fix what I broke that wasn't really broken....or I move on.

This completely explains what I am going through right now. I had to do this to see if we were meant to be.

Story of my LIFE.
Sometimes, you just have to smile; pretend everything's okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.
I couldn't agree more.

How do you know if you have made the right decision? It's when you picked the harder choice, yet your heart is at peace.





Broken. Want to be fixed. Don't know if it is possible.

I think I need to go think and go to bed. It's almost 11:30. I'm teaching my first day tomorrow in my second placement and I'm all sorts of nervous. Plus, I really don't feel in the right state of mind right now. At all.