Tuesday, December 3, 2013

The woes of online dating

 Lately, I feel like every time I open up Facebook or Instagram, someone I either went to high school or college with is getting engaged. Do not get me wrong, I am thrilled for these people! To find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with has got to be the most incredible feeling ever. And I am at the age, in my late 20's (DID I JUST SAY THAT?!) when it is natural for this to be happening....after all, I have been out of high school for almost NINE years and almost FIVE from college.

I just feel a little green...envious...of it all. Is that bad I feel that way? I would assume it is only natural in some aspect. I was with my ex for 7 months the first time we dated. Yep, we went out twice. Fast forward 8 months after we broke up, we saw each other at a Halloween party. But things were too crazy with me approaching student teaching and we kept "trying" to see each other but weren't really sure what we were until about July 2011. From there one, we were a couple. He treated me really well during our relationship the second time around. He even took me on a cruise to the Caribbean as a birthday/Christmas gift. Then the end of last summer/early fall, my feelings completely changed. I started thinking more about the future. The more I thought about it, the less I saw him in it. I had to be the bigger person and be completely fair to him. I let him go. It was hard to do but I couldn't see myself staying with someone if I did not have the same feelings for them. It wasn't fair.

That was over a year ago. Since then, I have just kind of been going about life. Working at school, the restaurant, etc. More people I know keep meeting people. My best friend April met her boyfriend online. My best friend from college/Georgia met hers online and I met him in August when I was down there. When I was visiting Stephanie in Georgia, she convinced me it would be a good idea to go on the website she used to create a profile.....and so I did.

I feel sort of odd with online dating. I met one REALLY creepy guy from Match.com when I had joined the first time my ex and I broke up. And by creepy, I mean I could feel he was controlling and the second date was horrible (I should have known when he tried to order a drink for me without even asking what I wanted/liked). You talk to these guys for like maybe 4 messages each back & forth. Then they want you to call them. Maybe it's my precautionary side but I think that is moving a little fast. I am always afraid I am going to end up with some psychopath and something horrible is going to happen.

 And I think this all while thinking something is "wrong" with me that I am not in a relationship. Such a problem I have with myself. Obviously there isn't anything wrong otherwise people would not contact me. But I think after a year of being single, I am finally tired of it. I wish there was someone to talk to. I wish there was someone to go check out that new movie with (not that I can't do that with a friend) or go get lost somewhere on Long Island. I just have to get over this.

I think I need to take a leap and maybe meet a guy from online. You hear SO many people have met their husband or wife from online dating. It's the fad these days versus meeting him or her in a bar. I think I need to let go off my fears somewhat and be brave. I am nowhere near where I thought I would be at 27. By now, I thought I would be engaged or married. Haha. I totally want to see that happen to me sometime in the future.

Hopefully I can get over the fear of the guy being a psychopath (I bet he will turn out to be really nice) and maybe something will evolve. Who knows? I'm just going to leave it up to God and let him direct me. He helped me realize my true feelings and helped me grow as a person when I had to be the bigger person and let go of J when there were no feeling, even though  I wanted to be in a relationship.

Have you met your boyfriend/husband online from a dating website? Do you know anyone that has?
What advice to you give to single, somewhat "hopeless" girls like me?


1 comment:

  1. My husband and I met on match six years ago! From our experience dating online... My husband's advice: don't spent lots of time emailing back and forth - just go ahead and set a time to meet (so you can really find out in person if you are a match). My advice: always go for a meal! For me, sitting and drinking coffee felt forced, plus, if your date turns out to be a dud, at least you are doing something productive like eating! Good luck!!