Twenty eight years ago this month, my mom got the last blessing from my father. Thirteen days after that happened, he unfortunately died in a car accident on the way home from work. It wasn't until after she buried him that my mom learned she was pregnant with me. She has always called me her last gift from him. It was like I was the sunshine in her life after all the darkness she went through in becoming a widow at 37 with 4 kids and one on the way she didn't know about.
Being the youngest of five and the only girl, I was certainly spoiled during my childhood. But I was always taught that nothing in life comes easy, everyone has their own struggles and you have to hope & pray to get through it. My mom raised us Roman Catholic. I never went to a catholic or private school growing up, however my mom did until she was going into high school. We were brought up going to church on Sundays, or most Sundays that weren't consumed by living on the soccer fields.
Since making my confirmation in 8th grade, I have only gone to church throughout the year for certain events (weddings, funerals, baptisms, holidays). Does that make me a bad person? In some people's eyes, probably yes. But I have not let that affect who I am as a person. I might not be in the front pew every Sunday morning and I might not be as devout as others but I do have my faith that guides me. It has helped me in times where I felt like my life was consumed by darkness and in times when I needed guidance in order to figure out how to get through a tough ordeal.
Like I said, my faith has always guided me and told me I can do something when someone tells me I can't. I was the type of kid that went to school, studied, got good grades. I graduated in the top 25% of my graduating class (I think my class rank was 52 out of 250) and got scholarships because of my grades to colleges. Oddly enough I did not choose to go to a college that gave me a scholarship, I went to one where I could envision myself being for four years achieving my dream of wanting to be a foreign language teacher. New Paltz was the place where I met some of my best friends and I don't regret going there at all.
My senior year was a rough spring semester when I found out that by 16 points, I didnt meet the school's "requirements" to student teach. I was told I could try the departmental assessment test again but if I didn't pass it on the third try, then that was all I could do (btw, when NO ONE in the department is passing it, you MIGHT want to rethink your teaching strategies). It was either give up or move on and pursue it in grad school. You bet your bottom dollar I went on to grad school, after taking a semester off for personal reasons and also to apply. I worked my tail off. I started in January 2010 taking a winter class and in May 2011, I received my Masters of Science in Adolescence Education with a Middle Childhood Extension. I am certified to teach 5-12 Spanish.
I have learned a lot in my 27 years. I have learned what I want out of a relationship. I was in a relationship with one guy for 7 months the first time and then after about 6-8 months of hearing he missed me and hanging out, we tried getting back together. We were finally official in July 2011 and after about 15 months of being together again, I made a hard decision to end it. I felt guilty being with someone when I was not happy and he deserved to be with someone and be happy. Don't get me wrong...he treated me wonderfully and I am thankful for the time and memories we shared together. It blind-sided him but I had to be fair to him and let him go. We have both moved on and I know he is even in a new relationship now. I am glad he has found someone again who has made him happy.
I often wonder if that will be the case for me? I see so many people my age getting engaged, married, or having babies. Yes, I get we are in our late 20's and its the time to do it. But I feel like I am never going to meet someone. I have tried all the routes of online dating and just wonder what is wrong with me that I am still single. I know it is all in God's timing that the right man will come along and sweep me off my feet when I least expect it. I know I will find someone who supports me in my dreams, who makes me laugh uncontrollably, makes me smile when upset, comfort when crying and is my best friend. It's all in God's hands.
I take comfort now in the joy of being a teacher. Yes, there are some days when I just want to "jump out the window" because the kids are driving me nuts and I have to explain things 2459834862 times because they can't READ the directions (read: they are lazy). But there is nothing more rewarding than seeing a child get it. Case in point: a student who told me he has dyslexia and wanted me to read the 2nd quarterly exam to him. I said sure. When I graded it, he got a 90!! Compared to the 60 or 70 something he got first quarter, I was SO proud of him. THIS moment is what makes it worth all the long hours. Teaching is my heart and I wouldn't trade it for any other profession.
That's me. If you made it through all that, go reward yourself with a cookie and some wine. Or cake. Look forward to meeting so many new people through this!
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