¿Dónde está la cafeína?

Ehh, ¿dónde está la cafeína? For all you Spanish drop-outs, it translates to "Where is the caffeine?" Seriously, in need of a Starbucks caffeine IV drip! I had quite possibly one of the worst nights of sleep last night. I was super tired so I tried going to bed at 11:30. And after sleeping for an hour, woke up for something to drink, only for that to make me feel sick to my stomach. So I didn't go to bed until after 3am. Mind you, it was probably my fault for A) texting John who wants to talk (more on that in a bit) and B) texting Shannon who was at the same party as John because she was updating me on some things. So when my alarm went off at 845 this morning because I was going to go work out (oh who am I kidding?!), I was less than pleased!

Yeah, so that John thing. John was a guy I met about two years ago (tomorrow) at a 4th of July BBQ. At the time, my friend Shannon was dating his friend Dan and invited me and our other friend Olivia to a BBQ at Dan's friend's house. Things were like whirlwind and about 9 days after meeting, we considered ourselves a couple. Mind you, this was the first guy I ever dated and I was 22! Ha, never thought it'd take me that long to get a boyfriend! We went out for about 7 months and then broke up. Around August/September of last year, we kind of reconnected and tried things again from September-until around my birthday. After that, nothing was heard from him. I didn't hear from him again until the night before my friends and I went to Disney. My friends told me to ignore it and then another month later, I heard from him again. We tried again to "see where things would go" but than there was that issue in April that was my fault. Well, about a week after it, we reconnected and said we'd "see where things go."

This time around, things have been much better and completely different. I have pretty much referred to him as my boyfriend to other people, just haven't brought the issue up with him. And I knew the time was coming up to discuss it. Essentially, he wanted me to go to this party at Dan's house last night that was celebrating a bunch of people in his family. Yes, it would have been fun to go and have some drinks. However, I was just in the mood to have a night to myself. The more I thought about it, I hadn't had one in awhile. I mean, last Thursday I went out with Amanda & Mike, Friday I was with John and then met up with Olivia, Sat we all went out for Amanda's birthday, Sunday I worked a double so I just went to bed, Monday I worked after being sunburned and was suppose to go to a party but didn't, Tuesday went out with John, Wednesday I worked, Thursday I went out with John and Friday I worked. Plus yesterday was superrrrr slow at work and I just did not feel like going out. And he was hurt by that. I can understand that but at the same time, there are nights when you just NEED to be by yourself, am I right?

So, tonight after I get off work, the two of us are going to talk. Part of me is worried but the other part of me is trumping that worry part with that things are going to work out between us. Call me crazy. Why have I not just called him "boyfriend" to his face? I think it's because when we worked things out back in April, we agreed not to rush into anything and label anything. So that is why this conversation between us is necessary. Why I am waiting so long to label us or properly say "Yea we're boyfriend/girlfriend." I know deep down I haven't said it because there is always that lingering fear he did not feel the same. But according to friends around both of us, he does. AHHHHHHHHH. This is just so frustrating. Hopefully the conversation tonight will do both of us some good.

Sorry for such a long ranting, properly incoherent post. It felt good to just be able to write it all out there and admit that I am happy and I do wanna make it official between us. I'm not going to say I want to think about marriage because I wanna enjoy my youth and don't want to think about that. So let's see how things go tonight. I'm sure you'll hear about it in one way or another.